Poisoning My Organic Kids with Phthalates?

Posted by Valerie on April 2, 2009

I do my best to feed my children well, but today I learned that all along I’ve been poisoning them with phthalates! I’m ashamed to admit it now, but we bake all our own bread here. To promote the advancement of Science for the Public Interest, I’ll admit to our recipe.

We feed 10 cups of organic hard red winter wheat through our Nutrimill to make our own organic 100% whole wheat flour. While the grain is grinding, we put the following in our Bosch kitchen machine’s bread bowl:

• 5 cups warm filtered water
• 2/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
• 2/3 cup local honey
• 4 teaspoons unrefined sea salt
• 3 tablespoons fresh active dry yeast

Optional: The sky’s almost the limit, but we often add some ground flax seed and whole millet.

This recipe and method produces wonderful 100% whole wheat bread in just about an hour. It’s delicious with 100% natural peanut butter and Smuckers Simply Fruit 100% fruit jelly or buttered along with soup or grilled with natural Wisconsin cheese and tomato or (on a special day) with sliced turkey or beef, cheese, avocado, sprouts, and homemade mayonnaise.

But I’ve just learned that MY BREAD IS POISONOUS with evil, dangerous PHTHALATES!

Extra-virgin olive oil includes naturally ocurring dimethyl phthalate (DMP), di-(2-ethylhexyl) phthalate (DEHP or DOP, which is restricted by CPSIA), diisoamyl phthalate (DIAP), and dihexyl phthalate (DHP).

Based on non-analogous rat studies, the pseudoscientists at Greenpeace have decreed that my male children will grow up sterile eating this horrible, poisonous diet! I had better get my little guys to McDonald’s pronto for loads of Happy Meals and start buying case quantities of cruddy cookies and fluorescent candy BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

I’m overwhelmed with guilt as it is, so please don’t ask for details about the diethyl phthalate-laced 100% whole wheat cranberry bread that I inflicted on my children last Christmas morning–or make any unpleasant remarks about the fact that I served red and green grapes laced with dibutyl phthalate (DBP, which is also restricted by CPSIA) at the very same meal!

And, most shameful and telling of all, the evil mother of this family is dedicated to the low-carb lifestyle for her own diet. She doesn’t herself eat the bread with which she wickedly poisons her multiple little ones!